«

»

Sep 24

Thoughts about asking God for direction, New Poems Result, “I Asked God,” “That First Step,” “Fast-Spreading News”

Everything I’ve put on my website blog up to this point  has been copyrighted.

I had been adamant about not raising our grand children. Taking the advice from our family’s therapists, I told our daughter that I wouldn’t be rescuing her again by taking care of her children when she felt like she couldn’t do it, so when she went back to the hospital I fully intended to not get involved but to make our daughter deal with where her children would go even if it meant allowing DCFS to take custody. I had been feeling extremely over-whelmed, depressed, discouraged, troubled, and out-of-sync—as if on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

I don’t know if it was because of my codependency, but in a panic I got on the phone and tried to get people I knew and trusted to take the kids before DCFS got involved.  All the while I felt this calm assuring voice whisper within me, “Laurie, you don’t need to worry. You know these kids are going to be placed in exactly the right place. You’ve seen it happen over and over before.” While I continued to make phone calls, the prompting came to me, “Why don’t you kneel down and ask God if you should go pick up the children?” Well, that’s what I did, and the answer I got was undeniably clear—“Go get them right now!” Knowledge and peace came, while all those feelings of being extremely over-whelmed, depressed, discouraged, troubled, and out-of-sync—as if on the verge of a nervous breakdown—all of it went away, being replaced by peace, energy, and hope. This experience has been teaching me to always ask God first before I do anything. As a result, I wrote the following three poems:

I Asked God

I asked God to show me great things,

But I had to first look at the fool I was.

Sep 18, 2012

That First Step

Although I vowed to put God first,

It was I who climbed up to the second step.

But confusion, depression, and feeling out-of sync

Turned me around and I walked back down

Where I found you waiting for me

There on the first step.

Sep 18, 2012

I wrote the following poem about gossiping:

Fast-Spreading News

The nature of fast-spreading news I’ve concluded

Is for information to become quite deluded,

Leaving truth lacking and convoluted

Despite those facts which are well-rooted

I’ve tried writing letters, text, and phone,

As well as other ways to which I’ve been prone,

But the riskiest route to spread news I’ve known

Is through Sister Gossip and her clone.

Shame on you who choose to spew it

If you’re someone who would do it.

Forgive me for the way I view it—

If you’re trying to build trust, realize you blew it.

Sep 24, 2012

2 comments

  1. jacob

    It really sounds like you’re still being controlled by co-dependency. That horrible feeling you describe is not fulfilling your addiction. And that peace and calm feeling you got came AFTER you had already decided to go pick up your kids. You say it yourself, “pray to find out if I should go get the kids.” You’re not really praying for divine inspiration; you’re praying to have God back up the decision your mind already made. And that peaceful feeling is you giving in to your addiction. You started with the right choice, but it didn’t fit your co-dependency, so you had God change it for you. I don’t think God wants us to ask him how to do every single thing. He wants you to make your own decisions. You place too much importance on your feelings and “divine inspiration,” but maybe you’d be surprised at how much of your inspiration is just coming from yourself.

    1. laurie

      Thank you for your insight. I am continually challenging codependent thinking, but what happened when I prayed and received an answer to prayer was NOT the result of codependent thinking, although I can see how you might see it that way. No, I know when it’s an actual answer. There is a definite difference.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>