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Oct 28

He Never Sees, excerpt about attachment disorder

I

 had a very accomplished and talented teacher who always liked to talk about herself and took the center stage of every gathering and conversation. Many people thought of her as extremely controlling, manipulative, and narcissistic. Although it was not easily detected, she battled huge insecurities and fear that were deeply embedded because of childhood abuse.

I had the chance to go to her house. When I first entered her home, the very first thing that my eyes took in were the pictures, certificates, and displays all along the extended entryway of her home—evidence of her many accomplishments and talents; clearly, she was the focal point of her home. Just like many other people who have suffered traumas, abuse, and broken trust during childhood without significant healing, she had a passionate need to be validated as an adult.

Some of our children have struggled to find ways to feel validated, often making themselves the center focus, coming across as controlling, manipulative, and narcissistic as well. Because my husband has not been the one involved in taking some of our children to therapy, he hasn’t always been able to see past an insensitive, rude, disrespectful exterior to the sweet, tender, sensitive, loving little child within; yet, those same children have just expected their dad to see them as that little child when he looks at them.

 

He Never Sees

  

How can he see you my dear?

You stay hidden

Behind the curtain along the wall.

Whenever you’ve ventured out

You’ve come out fighting.

How could he see your tender,

Gentle soul?

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